GRACE WINS

    “There’s a war between guilt and grace and they’re fighting for a sacred space. But I’m living proof that grace wins every time”.  As I was working out yesterday, these words in Grace Wins by Matthew West totally pierced me!  I’ve been asking God to inspire my next post and here I am working out, mind not a bit on blog worthy content and He’s speaking to me.  I had a nugget of an idea about a grace-based post last week, but the inspiration stopped there, just an idea simmering away in my subconscious... until now.  Gosh, I love moments like this! 

 

    Grace; synonyms: beauty, kindness, elegance, charm, refinement, loveliness, poise, style.  No matter which definition of grace you find, you hope that it can be used to define you; define your actions, your posture in life, your marriage, your friendships, your parenting.  I want to pour out grace like it’s a ½ off item in the Target dollar spot.  And yet, I fail in doing so each and every day.  I get short tempered at the kids, sharp tongued with my husband, jealous of friends.  Shoot, there are days where I have all out 2-year-old-like temper tantrums (in a very mature way, as you can well imagine)! 

 

    But, as I’m sitting here thinking about grace-based living, parenting and relationships, I’m left contemplating how well I offer myself grace.  Despite my many shortcomings, I do find it is easier to share grace with others.  I can talk friends off the edge of self-deprecation and have unparalleled understanding for their exhaustion, guilt, regrets, faults or mistakes.  Yet, I often struggle to offer myself the same kindnesses.  Why is it easier to share grace than receive it?  The answer to this question will differ for each person, but I think it’s an essential question to consider.  For me, I think it is tied to perfectionism and my desire for achievement and success.  I am my harshest critic and when I don’t achieve to my desired potential, I dwell in critique.  I want to feel like I’m doing a “good job” at the roles I’ve acquired in this life and when I mess up, that feels like a fatal flaw in my success as a wife, mother, friend, daughter.  Yet, I am human; and as such, there is an implicit expectation for missteps.  DUH! I know this!!!  Yet, too often I tie my value to my successes; if I do everything super well, I will be held in higher regard by myself and others.  However, I’m learning, and believing more and more, that this is not where my value lies.  Authenticity, even through my “failures”, is far more desirable than the illusion of perfection.  I’ve come to realize that people actually relate to me more when I share my challenges because struggle is a universal experience.  The belief that people want the perfect version of us is merely a lie fabricated in our minds and in many ways propagated by social media.  However, I fee compelled to say, if you do have people in your life demanding “perfection” here is your personal invitation to step away from that dysfunctional relationship... they are trying to control you and, in case this a truth you have been avoiding, that’s not healthy, normal or right.  I had a gut feeling that someone reading this needed to hear that explicitly stated, so there it is in black and white.  If that’s you and you need/want to support, message me.       

 

    So, how are you at offering yourself grace?  Do you come to gentle understanding over your mistakes or do you find yourself thwarted by guilt and regret when you mess up? 

 

    The other question I am left considering is this: does it matter?  Is receiving grace as important a skill as offering grace?  In my opinion, it is wildly important to share grace with others.  You allow them to feel safe to mess up and still receive your unconditional love; it’s essential for forming meaningful relationships.  However, I believe receiving grace is a far harder, yet equally important, skill to practice.  If you are unwilling to receive grace from others or offer it upon yourself, your grace “handouts” lose significance.  The phrase “practice what you preach” comes to mind.  If we are unwilling to accept that which we desire to give, don’t we become a bit of a fraud?  I think yes!  Grace feels insincere if given and not received.  

    I continue referring to accepting grace as a skill because I think it requires practice.  It may feel more natural to exist in the eternal damnation of guilt and regret, but there is no real freedom there.  So fake it until you make it, friend!  Start today!  Did you snap at your spouse today?  Here’s some grace for you: it’s okay, you’re still a great husband/wife even though you were unkind with your words!  Apologize and move forward.  Screamed at the kids over spilled milk (maybe literally, I’ve been there)?  Here’s some grace for you: no one expects perfection from your parenting journey and your kids will remember your recovery not your freak out.  Apologize and move forward remembering that you are an AWESOME parent, even when you mess up and perhaps even because you do!  Giving yourself the grace to mess up shows those around you that they have the freedom to live imperfectly around you too and still be loved.  What an opportunity!

 

    Grace isn’t a luxury to reserve for special moments, rather, it’s a necessity to pour out on yourself and others each day!  In case no one’s told you, you are worthy of grace, sweet friend.  You are allowed to mess up, and apologize and try again.  That’s really what life is all about; growing each day into a better version of ourselves through Grace. 

❤ Christine