HEY MOMMA

   

    Fellow mommas, you have been on my heart a lot this week.  In a society where comparisons are readily available and judgement is easier than understanding, it seems that so many mommas are at war with each other and that breaks my heart.  Know that you are loved just as you are momma, and this is my ode to you:  

 

    Hey, first time Momma.  I see you.  How are you?  Since you’re a “newbie”, I know that everyone has opinions for you, most unsolicited.  So, let me remind you of this fact, you’re doing a great job!  YOU are the expert on your child, no one else.  Follow your gut, it’s a much better compass than some article a stranger at Target read on baby wearing.  If you want to let your baby cry it out at 4 months, do it!  Want to co-sleep until they are 5, great!  You do you, momma.  You are amazing!  Breastfeeding? YOU ROCK?  Formula feeding? YOU ROCK!  Work full time?  You’re a warrior!  Stay home?  You’re a champion!  At the end of the day, whatever choice makes you the healthiest version of yourself is the absolute best choice for your sweet babe.  Cloth diapering?  Nice!  Disposable only?  Cool.  Organic everything?  Awesome!  Can’t afford that sh!*, no biggie your child WILL make.  But for real, why is that people are SO opinionated about all these topics!?  Did you fall in love with your child instantly?  That’s incredible!  Nothing like it, huh?  Not you? Took some time to connect to your baby after they were born?  Felt guilty that you didn’t have the instant connection that others told you to expect?  That’s normal too!  Over the question “are you so in love” when in fact you are feeling totally emotional, hormonal and overwhelmed by this little being that needs you in every capacity, to every capacity?  You want to scream “YES, I love them but when you ask me that question I wonder if I love them ‘enough’ compared to all that that question implies.”  You are not alone!  There is no guidebook to the experience of motherhood, so many norms exist outside those which people are actually willing to share about their experience.  It is both a universal and totally individual experience.  And for real, for all the books out there, why aren’t we warned about the hulk sized pads post-delivery?  Is that really a joy of motherhood that needs to be kept a secret?!  I will never forget my goal for myself in the first months of post-partum: shower before Nick gets home at 5:30.  I was stunned by how quickly the day passed with so little to “show” for it!  In so many ways, the first is the hardest because it is a total life adjustment.  The world that used to revolve around you and your needs is now dictated by the constant, unpredictable and ever-changing needs of your child. 

 

    Hi Momma with 2.  I see you.  How are you?  Are you feeling guilt over not spending as much time with your first born?  Feeling overwhelmed by the new behaviors they are exhibiting to get attention now that baby has arrived?  It’s okay!  They got you all to themselves for however long and that is a gift that will forever be just theirs.  You are not harming them by making them wait.  In fact, you are giving them the beautiful gift of a sibling and teaching them the very important truth that the world doesn’t revolve around them.  Just wait, it’s hard now, but sooner than you think, you will see the fruits of this time of adjustment and struggle.  How is your marriage?  While the newborn phase was more enjoyable to me the second time around, the adjustment to 2 kids was challenging on our marriage.  We lost our sense of “us”.  Nick came home and it was man-to-man: he took Ellie so I could retreat for time to snuggle with Suzie.  It took time to recognize that there was dysfunction happening and then a lot of effort and conversation to reclaim space for our marriage in the busyness of our new family life.  But we got there, and if things are feeling off in your marriage, it’s okay.  Start addressing it now.  It will take time, but it can become even better than before. 

 

    Hello Momma with 3.  I see you.  How are you?  Welcome to zone defense and a new level of chaos that you never expected possible.  Welcome to baby wearing a nursing a newborn while changing #2's dirty diaper and having your eldest tug on your sleeve to zip them up (literally a moment in my life).  Just FYI you now get a full YEAR of survival mode.  That’s the right you’ve earned for entering the 3 and over club.  It’s a brand-new kind of crazy.  You can’t quite explain it until you’ve lived it.  It’s living life on the edge of your seat, constantly.  Been 2 months since baby arrived and you still haven’t made dinner?  It’s okay!  I’ve been there.  The fog will lift.  You will soon reach a sweet spot and these blurry weeks and months will be a distant memory.  Try to settle into them.  Don’t rush to get back to your list of to-dos.  It’s okay.  Rest easy in the truth that things will restore to a new version of normal soon enough.  Need help?  ASK!  Toss your pride out the window and say yes to any and all help that’s offered.  You don’t have to do it all!  You will learn to submit the unimportant stuff and start to better understand your priorities. 

 

    Hi Momma of 4+.  I see you.  I salute you.  How are you?  Still getting curious stares about the line of ducklings following behind you?  Did you MEAN to have that many?  Are they all yours?  You must be busy, huh?  Ooooo, you had #__ because you were trying for a ___...  I’m sure you get all these annoying questions and more.  Thank you for walking before us and paving the way, showing us our dream for an even larger family is possible to manage.  Thank you for your wisdom and guidance and knowledge.  Share it willingly with those who seek it, it’s invaluable to us mommas walking a step behind you.    

 

    Mommas, the work we are doing is hard and it’s important and it’s meant to be done together!  Be kind to one another, be loving, be helpful, be understanding, be authentic.  And remember: you’re amazing momma, just as you are!

❤ Christine 

IG: @_overflow30_